The Three Ponamigos Ch.3

Chapter Three: First Ride

Bums are a fact of life. Unless you're in the smallest, sweetest town around, somepony is gonna be homeless. Which is why I was real surprised to find out that even Ponyville had a resident hobo. Of course, later I'd find out that Scraggly was anything but a bum, and that Scraggly wasn't his real name. Which is good on his parents.

One day, me and Archie was just walking down the street, hanging out. Pinkie Pie had just held a party for all the new ponies that had moved in, and that included me and Archie. On top of that, I had finally got the last of my furniture moved in. I was still out of a job, but I wasn't hurting for bits. Needless to say, I was feelin' pretty good. That's when we saw him.

Right near Sugarcube Corner was the most pitiful piece of piecemeal pony architecture I'd ever seen. There was this brown, real dirty pegasus with broken wings trying to cobble a shack together. Every time he'd get one plank to cooperate, another section would fall down. Now, all of these planks were old and splintery, and the whole "structure" couldn'ta been much bigger than a pony.

Ever the poet, I walked up to this poor, downtrodden member of society and tried to allieviate his grievances. "Somethin' tells me carpentry ain't your talent, guy." Archie groaned, and this pegasus colt nearly jumped out of his skin—his back was to us the whole time, you see. He ended up knocking the whole thing over, and with a sort of resignation, he turned to face us. He was a blank-flank, and it was really sad and weird, 'cause he was around me and Archie's age. He was wearing really tattered and dirty clothes. Well, mostly it was the remains of a dress shirt and a ratty old bow-tie. As if all that didn't make me regret my little comment enough, he actually apologized. To us.

"I'm s-sorry, w-was I c-causing a distraction?" He had a really soft voice.

Archie gave me a dirty look. I sighed, 'cause I absolutely deserved it. "No," I said. "you ain't no problem to nopony."

This pony was pitiful.  He couldn't look me or Archie directly, and kept scooting away from us. I wanted to give the guy a hug and some bits and tell him everything was gonna be fine, but at this rate, I thought touching him would give the poor guy heart failure. We all just sorta sat around, and to say there was an awkward silence would be like saying that train wrecks should be avoided. A blatant understatement. Finally, Archie spoke up.

"I'm Arcane Scholar. What's your name?"

The pegasus pony sccoted away a little further. Yeah, scooted. He was too scared of us even to get up. "Scraggly Raghoof."

I stifled a laugh. Did this guy's parents actually name him that? Was he going to get a cutie mark someday of an empty can of beans? Maybe a barrel fire? Archie bonked me on the head, and for a bookish type, he's got a nasty wallop. Still, I can't say I didn't earn it.

"I'm Smoky Blues," I said. And then I added, "Musician. No relation to Blues."
Scraggly nodded at me. "Look, I'm sorry for the comment earlier. I say a lot of dumb things. Maybe I can repay you for it? You want some food?"

Scraggly almost shouted. "No!" Me and Archie were taken aback for a minute. "I mean, I don't w-want to be a burden on a-anypony..." Me and Archie looked at each other, and we realized we were gonna help this stallion whether he liked it or not.

"You're homeless and tryin' to hide from everypony by makin' your own house out of materials you found yourself. I don't think you could be less of a burden if you tried," I said.

He tried to protest, but then Archie spoke up. "Now look, I happen to know that there's a mare--"

I interrupted him, because I couldn't resist. "I didn't know you went for mares, Arch." I expected a bop, but instead, he started laughing, and then I did. And then wouldn't you know it, Scraggly did, too.

The mare that Archie had mentioned was a unicorn named Seabreeze. She had just moved in from Trottingham, and she was looking for a roomie. I doubted that she wanted a hobo fresh off the streets, but then again, this was a good opportunity to get our destitute friend a home.

The three of us walked there, and we got to introducing ourselves and generally getting acquainted. Scraggly was still real shy around us, but we got him to open up. Even though he was around our age, he seemed like one of those ponies that's...spiritually or mentally older. Maybe he'd had a hard life, actually, he'd almost certainly had one. But underneath all the wear and tear, there was something else. Like he'd come off better for it. I remember in my early dealings with Scraggly, I was always being reminded of Raspy.

Scraggly knew all of these little stories and anecdotes. You know, like the old "there's a bird in my hoof, is it dead or alive" story. Pretty sure I oversimplified that, but these are my memoirs, not yours. He'd quote them all the time, and even today he'll still tell them to anypony who asks. And, once you get past Scraggly's infuriating need  "not to impose on anypony," he really ain't that bad. I mean, he'd starve himself if he thought somepony could use the food better, but hey. Me, him, and Archie are still friends today.

Seabreeze was wild about surfing, and was generally a cool pony. She was a good influence on Scraggly—not that me and Archie weren't. Well, okay, I'm a bit of a moron at times, but still. She was real sociable and pretty much down for anything, which made her the perfect roomie for a shy, submissive guy like Scraggly. Scraggly would sooner throw himself off a cliff than bother somepony.

Things would start looking up for Scraggly in the next coming months. Among other things, he'd land himself a job, a marefriend, fix up his wings, find his cutie mark, and even find his real name. But that all comes later. Right now, you're probably itching for an adventure. I suppose I could tell you about the first adventure we had as a group.

Me, Archie, and Scraggly were all enjoying sandwiches at that outdoors cafe. If you're from Ponyville, you'll know which one I mean; it's the one Twilight likes so much. Anyway, we got to talking, as friends often do.

I had got it in my head that we should start having adventures. I ended up liking me and Archie's little Everfree expedition. It was scary, but also kinda thrilling. I definitely wouldn't do it for a living, and I was glad it wasn't my cutie mark. But I didn't mind the idea of doing it again, either. I figured we could be like a sort of recreational adventure club...thingy. So while we sat there eating and chatting, I posed a question. "What makes them so special?"

Scraggly was quiet, as usual, but Archie took the bait. "Who?"

"Those six mares. Twilight and them."

"Nothing, as far as I know," he said.

"I don't buy it. You ever notice how every time something happens around here, one of them is involved?"

Scraggly spoke up. "T-that's b-because they wield the Elements of Harmony. If you b-believe in rumors, I mean." He was always the pony to go to for stories, rumors, and myths.

Archie snorted and shook his head. "As a stallion of scholarly pursuits, I feel inclined to say that's a load of manure."

I replied, "Archie, it's pretty much the worst-kept secret in Equestria. I mean, look at them. You KNOW they do. I mean, you don't KNOW know, but you can tell by looking at them. I'm pretty sure the whole town actually does know."

He still didn't believe me, so I recited that little nursery rhyme we all seem to know. "...and magic makes it all complete. Twilight's the magic part!"

"Okay," he said, "even if that's true, what are you getting at?"

"I'm sayin', what makes them so great? Why can't the three of us go off and do stuff like them?"

Scraggly didn't like that idea at all. "B-because, Smoky, we don't have the Elements. Even if we d-did, there's just three of us..."

"So, what? We just...what's the word..starts with an R.."

"Rest?" Asked Scraggly.

"Resign?"

"Resign! That's it. We just resign ourselves to bein'...background ponies?"

Archie put down his sandwich and started on his hay fries. "What's wrong with that? Nopony says we have to lead dashing, dangerous lives and recover ancient treasures and all that garbage. I only go into the Everfree because I have to, anyway. I mean, what's wrong with just doing our special talents? My magic, your music and..."

Scraggly didn't say anything, but he didn't have to.

"Scraggly..." Archie started.

"It's fine," Scraggly said.

I went on the attack again. "There's nothing wrong with just doing our talents, but we can't have a little adventure on the side? Our talents ain't the end-all, be-all of who we are. I mean, are we really gonna let a bunch of mares show us up? We practically got three elements right here."

Archie snickered and almost choked on a bit of hay fries, and Scraggly did a double take, speaking up. "H-how do you mean?"

"Well," I said, pointing to myself. "Laughter." Then I pointed to Scraggly. "Kindness." Then Archie. "Magic."

Archie started laughing out loud. You know someone thinks you're full of it when they laugh and you haven't told a joke. "Manure, Smoky. Manure."

"Fine, then, Mr. Smart Guy, why don't you explain your higher reasoning?"

"You can't be laughter."

"Why not?"

"Your jokes are only funny to you. The whole point of the Element of Laughter, if it exists, is to make other ponies happier."

"Okay, fair enough. Then I'm kindness, and Scraggs is generosity."

Scraggly seemed happy with my complement, but he disagreed. "S-Smoky, you have to h-have something in the first place to be g-generous."

I just sat there, looking sour, and apparently that was just the height of humor to Archie and Scraggly, because they both cracked up looking at me. "Ah, who needs ya," I said. But I couldn't help from cracking a smile.

"So we're not the Male Elements of Harmony. That shouldn't stop us from havin' some fun."

My friends sighed, because they were just beginning to find out that when I get something in my mind, it stays there until I satisfy it.

"What did you have in mind, Smoky?" Archie finished his meal as we finished ours, and we began our usual silent war over who would pick up the tip.

"Weeeeell, well, welly welly well..." My friends groaned. "There's a special wood that grows in the Everfree.." Their eyes widened. "It's called Soarwood, and it's real lightweight, buoyant, and it's got resonant properties. It makes for good musical instruments..."

"And magical instruments," Archie added.

"...and s-surfboards," said Scraggly.

"Exactly," I said. "Wait, what? You don't look like no surfer I ever..." Then I remembered he was rooming with Seabreeze. "Oooh. Finally making your move, huh? Going to woo your special lady with some lumber, eh?" I can be really insufferable when I want to be. Scraggly blushed. He was blushing hard, too, 'cause we could see it even through his brown coat.

Archie chuckled at that and nudged me. "Alright, knock it off, Smoky. I think Scraggly gets the idea."

"So," I said. "We in?" Scraggly and Archie nodded. "Good," I said. Then I laughed. "The first Ride of the Three Ponamigos." They laughed too, and we discussed the details of our little adventure while me and Archie pushed bits at each other, each of us trying to take up the slack. Elements or no,  we weren't gonna be showed up by nopony.